Be Clear

We’ve all seen game writing that was cumbersome to read. Every sentence began with a subordinate clause or had a stream-of-consciousness feel that lost you halfway through it. I can only imagine that these writers thought they were being artsy. Unfortunately, artsy does you no good if your audience doesn’t know what the Hell you’re saying.

Keep your language clear. Use correct grammar and punctuation. Grammar and punctuation aren’t shackles intended to limit your creativity. They’re tools that we employ to give the reader more information. The placement of a comma can change the meaning of a sentence.

Crikey! The structures of sentences, so sadly bloated! Carry on! Cut them. Make them sing for you. They’s your bitches.
In other words:
Cut bloated sentence structure and make your words sing for you. They’re your bitches.

>>> Read Video Game Writing Tips #1-3 and #4.

Christine Purcell has honored me by choosing my blog for the “Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits” award. Visit her blog.

I looked up the word “strange.” As a side note, any writer who doesn’t live with her nose in a dictionary (even Dictionary.com counts) is short-changing her work.

So, I looked up the word “strange,” and here’s what it said:

1. unusual, extraordinary, or curious; odd; queer: a strange remark to make.
2. estranged, alienated, etc., as a result of being out of one’s natural environment: In Bombay I felt strange.
3. situated, belonging, or coming from outside of one’s own locality; foreign: to move to a strange place; strange religions.
4. outside of one’s previous experience; hitherto unknown; unfamiliar: strange faces; strange customs.
5. unaccustomed to or inexperienced in; unacquainted (usually fol. by to ): I’m strange to this part of the job.
6. distant or reserved; shy

That’s a fascinating array of definitions for the word, though I’m pretty sure Christine intended the first definition.

Christine, I’m flattered. Thank you very much for the vote of confidence.

As with all these meme blog awards, I’m now supposed to choose several others that I consider “strange” (in a good way). Here goes (in no particular order):

• Cull the Elderly

• Shock Room: A Horror-Movie Blog
• It’s Not for Everyone
• Annie King Writes
• The Blood-Red Pencil

VERSE 1
She’s up at dawn, oh,
Red rising with the sun,
Packed, primed,
And oh-so ready to go.
She leaves him to sleep.
She leaves him to sleep alone.
He slept through her whys.
He slept through her good-byes.
She’s…she’s…she’s…
She’s always known.
He slept through her memories,
All her best memories.
All the best memories.

VERSE 2
She takes it to eighty
And lays claim to the road.
She’s got America at her feet,
Vagabond eyes, aye,
Life crammed in the back seat.
She dreams in her car.
At home under the stars.
No—no—no—
No love, no money.
She let go of the stones.
How fast the current flows.
She doesn’t know where it goes.

CHORUS
And she’s west-bound
And brazen-bold,
Swimming downstream,
Grabbing at gypsy gold.
You wanna love her,
You gotta do it
Like you feel it.
Do it like you mean it.
Do it like you need it.
You wanna love her,
You gonna have to
Feel it, mean it, need it.
Feel it, mean it, need it.

VERSE 3
She’s on a new, oh,
Chapter, chasing the sun.
Spark, firefly,
she lights her tail and glows.
She migrates away.
Pleasure replaces pain, so,
T’morrow a new face.
T’morrow a brand new space.
But…where…where…
Where will she go?
She’ll go ‘til she gets there.
She’ll know when she gets there.
She’ll know when she gets there.

REPEAT CHORUS

– Angel Leigh McCoy –

“We spent a long time writing for the demo and put our hearts and souls into those scenes. It was an area where the Writing Team was really allowed to run, and we’re proud of the work we’ve done.” — Angel Leigh McCoy

There’s an interview with me and my wonderful boss up at the ArenaNet blog.

For months, we’ve been preparing to unveil a demo of the Guild Wars 2 game at gamescom, a big trade fair for interactive games and entertainment in Cologne, Germany. All that work is coming to fruition this week.

The game demo will be available for thousands of people to see, and everyone at ArenaNet will be there, playing along with them. No, we’re not all going to Germany. Instead, we’ll be playing from our offices, on German time.

Right now, as I type, I’m forcing sleep deprivation on myself so that I will be able to work the graveyard shift from tonight until Sunday. Germany’s time zone makes this necessary.

We are all so thrilled to finally get the chance to share our baby with players that we are willing to stay up all night, not just once, not just twice, but five days in a row!

Let the playing begin! Watch for me in-game, if you’re at gamescom, and drop me a note if you find any dialogue in the demo that tickles your fancy.

I’ll be tweeting about the experience, so follow me to keep up.

Game on! (How do you say that in German?)

Be Concise

There are two reasons to be concise when writing dialogue for a video game.

1. Space is limited.

2. Player attention span is limited.

The first limitation is the user interface (U.I.). If the game uses a text pop-up, then you have a character limitation. Since writing for Guild Wars 2, I’ve had to get better at relaying as much information as possible in a small space. It’s like writing flash fiction or tweeting. You have 140 characters, and that’s it. The only other challenge is that u can’t slip in2 geekspk 2 save characters.

There are, however, tricks you can learn to cut back the character count without sacrificing personality or meaning. Here are just a couple:

• Contractions are your friend. “I’d” versus “I would”.

• Drop unnecessary words like “very” and “really” and “so”. “I really want to kick your ass” is seven characters longer than “I want to kick your ass.” And yet, the second version is no less expressive. If anything, it’s more expressive, less watered down.
• Get rid of leading words like “Well” and “Oh” and “Uh”. “Well, that was special” is six characters longer than “That was special.” It loses nothing when you ditch that superfluous word.

The second limitation mentioned is the player’s attention span. This is not a critique of players, but rather an understanding of how people play. When a player is in a game, they’re cruising through quickly, running from activity to activity, and clicking on various interesting spots. They may even be multi-tasking, watching TV while they’re playing.

The shorter the message, the more likely it is to get into the player’s brain as a complete whole. Even when vocalized, the shorter lines keep the player’s attention. During longer ones, the player’s attention may drift or get captured by something else. It doesn’t matter how brilliant your dialogue is. Short and brilliant is far better than long and brilliant, in video games.

When writing for video games, your best tool (next to grammar and punctuation) is a proverbial scalpel. Cut, cut, cut.

>>> Read Video Game Writing Tips #1-3.

We are so proud of this game we’re making. We hope you like it too! Are you excited? I am! Watch this video that really starts to show what it will be like when it’s released (and check out the hot people I work with). I’m a very lucky girl.

Play Value has put together some historical highlights and commentary about women in gaming. “You know, women are just one big game that no one’s managed to beat yet.” — Jeff (Managing Editor, CollegeHumor.com)

If you liked this, check out the other posts about Women in Games.

I remember the rain—oh.
Your shining, rain-kissed face—oh.
I held you in the palm of my hand,
My tiny, china Pierrot man.

Ollie, ollie, all come free.
You won our game of hide and seek.
You found me, but I lost you.
When’d it get so dark? And lonely too?

Sammie—
Where do the trains go?
So loud, so fast, so true,
They click and clack and crash on through.
Just like you.

I try to put away my toys.
I try and I try.
Because we all know that big boys.
Big boys, they don’t cry.

I promise. I promise I’ll always remember
My brother, my friend.
And though the temple’s condemned to embers,
I can’t even pretend, no, I can’t pretend
to regret—no regrets—oh no.

Oh, Sammie.
Where do the trains go?
So loud, so fast, so true,
They click and clack and smash on through.
Just like you.
Just like you.
‘Cuz you left me no lullabies.
The apples rotted in the tree.
There’s a man at the door with angry eyes,
and all I can do is scream.
Scream your name!
Scream no! Scream don’t go!
Scream Sammie!

Sammie, I love you.
I held you in the palm of my hand
my tiny, china Pierrot man.
But he closed his hand on mine
And squeezed and squeezed and squeezed
And the blood ran free.
Sammie.

Where do the trains go?
So loud, so fast, so true,
They click and clack and crash on through.
Just like you—oh.
Just. Like. You.

– Angel Leigh McCoy –

There’s so much excitement building around this game. Every day at work, I hear how thrilled people are with the information ArenaNet is releasing. That makes me so happy. My team and I have worked hard for several years to make this game everything we and you hope it will be.

In the interest of sharing updates, news, and insights into the game’s development, I’ve created a Guild Wars 2 page where I’ll post links to articles, commentary, and reviews! Click here to go see it.

Angel’s Adjectives: light and likable

In this book, “True Blood” meets the Stephanie Plum series. A sassy young woman–Betsy Taylor—with a designer shoe fetish ends up dead, then undead, then reluctant vampire royalty. Told in first-person, the story is one long string of smart-ass commentary and snarky dialogue. This particular type of “strong female” doesn’t take any shit, but does take stupid risks, and isn’t very nice on the surface. However, once we peel away the top layer, we discover that she’s lucky, soft-hearted and noble—so long as you don’t ruin her shoes.

Popcorn. This is the kind of book you can read in an afternoon. It’s got steamy sex, a black best friend, a gay new friend, a lesbian vampire, and a couple of tall, hot men vying for the protagonist’s affection. It’s fun, and that’s all it was ever meant to be. You can turn off your brain and be a total ditz while reading this book. It’s restful.

Plot Summary from Wikipedia.

Betsy Taylor—former model, newly unemployed secretary, 30, and still single—wakes up after being flattened by a small SUV in a tacky coffin wearing cheap knock-off shoes. Her mother is glad she is back, albeit as a vampire, but her stepmother is enraged that Betsy has reclaimed her designer-shoe collection. With a wealthy best friend and a newly acquired doctor pal who is not susceptible to her formidable allure, she sets out to right wrongs but is abducted by Nostro, a tacky 500-year-old vampire who rules the undead roost. It seems that Betsy is an anomaly: a vampire who doesn’t burn in sunlight, can fight the urge to feed, and is not repulsed by religious articles, all of which may make her the prophesied Queen of the Vampires. Teaming up with gorgeous vampire Eric Sinclair, who is in her opinion a major pervert, she takes on Nostro and his minions.

I got a kick out of Elizabeth “Queen Betsy” Taylor.

I had fun with this book.