Be Cautious around Prepositional Phrases
Not much will turn a reader or a player off faster than stilted or unrealistic dialogue. Unless you’re going for a satire of Tolkien, it’s better to have your character speak in a more natural cadence. It doesn’t matter how “fantasy” your world is. Here’s an example for you.
- BAD: Guard! I am in need of assistance for my dying friend.
- GOOD: Guard! My friend is dying! Help me! Please!
- BAD: Tomorrow I will take my bow and send my arrows flying into the hearts of many monsters.
- GOOD: Tomorrow, I’m going hunting. My arrows will hit their mark.
- BAD: Oh, the wonderous things I shall see upon this journey to the far lands of ice and snow!
- GOOD: I am so excited to be traveling! I packed for ice and snow. I can’t wait!
The prepositional phrase is a warning sign. If you have too many, chances are your sentence is out of control. I don’t recommend cutting them out entirely, but I do recommend being aware of them and keeping them to a minimum. They tend to bog the sentence down and make it feel less active.
Use them only for the pretentious fops among your characters.